Do You Still Love Me?
by RamperBass
Summary: Take place after episode 4x04- what would have happened if Blair hadn't said no when Chuck asked if she still loved him.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

Pissed was an understatement. Chuck Bass was _fuming._ He stood in the foyer of the Waldorf penthouse, waiting for Blair. He had to talk to her immediately. He had to know why she'd set Eva up to leave him. He had to know if she still loved him.

To be honest, he wasn't all that angry because Eva had left him. He liked her a lot, but he could never love her the way he loved Blair. Her accent got on his nerves and she was too naïve. She couldn't keep up with him. She was a sweet girl. Pretty too. But if he was being honest, her looks palled in comparison to Blair's beauty. Worst of all, the fact that she was an ex-prostitute absolutely revolted him. But she did bring out the best in him, and that was the sole reason he kept her around.

He was angry because Blair had just messed up his whole plan to get her back. Eva was the perfect prop for his great scheme to win Blair's heart, because not only did she make Blair jealous, but she also made him a better person. Eva was sweet and she had taken him in and nurse him back to health, when she didn't even know who he was. Even if he wasn't in love with her the way he was in love with Blair, he truly did love Eva in a non-romantic way. She had saved his life and for that he would always be grateful. She was good for him; she taught him how to become a better man. He had to become a better person so that he could be good enough for Blair. He wanted to spend the rest of his life with Blair, but he also wanted her to be happy with him. He didn't want her to feel like she was settling for him. Blair Waldorf deserved the best, and he couldn't be with her until he became the best. He wanted them to be equals when they finally got back together.

Tonight, Blair saw the worst side of him. It wasn't her fault. But when he was with Blair, he was just so intoxicated by her very presence. He became greedy. He wanted her back so badly in that moment and was so ready to believe her when she lied to him and set Eva up for it to seem like Eva was only after his money. He jumped at the opportunity to get Eva out of his life, and run back to Blair. But then he realized that she had schemed against him. Conned him into accusing Eva of something she didn't do; which meant that Blair knew that he still wasn't a good person.

He had really screwed up his relationship with Blair. He had broken her heart and he knew that, but he also knew that he loved her and that he would never do anything to hurt her ever again. He had to win her trust. It would take some time for her to forgive him. Up until tonight, he was sure she couldn't possibly still love him. Not after all that he'd done. He was ready to fight for her love. But then Eva said that they acted like they were still in love. Before he'd figured her behavior was a result of her pure hatred for him. But then, after Eva made that comment, he started wondering if, by some miracle, Blair had never really stopped loving him.

He heard her footsteps. Careful, measured, Blair steps. But something was off. It wasn't as confident as usual. It was weaker. Was it possible that she was actually scared?

His protective boyfriend instinct kicked in and he started worrying about her self-esteem. Oh shit! What if she was so jealous of Eva that her condition had come back? That was stupid because Eva shied in comparison to Blair; but still. Blair had an ugly history with bulimia. She always seemed so poised and confident, but in actuality, he knew that she was actually quite insecure. He'd noticed that she'd lost some weight, now that he thought about it. He cursed himself for not noticing sooner. How could he be so stupid?

_Stop it! _He told himself. He knew he was overreacting. Blair was a strong girl. She was smart. She knew better than to hurt herself. He shouldn't be accusing her of anything unless he was absolutely sure her condition was back.

He saw her turning the corner of the winding staircase and quickly composed himself. He had to find out whether or not she still loved him first and take it from there. If she did, then he would scrap his whole plan and figure out something else. They could get back together and he could still work on improving himself from there.

She reached the bottom of the stairs and looked shyly at the floor, like a guilty child, before meeting his gaze. God, she was just so damn beautiful; he was so mesmerized he almost forgot why he was there. All he could think about was the Harry Winston box in his jacket every time he saw her. He kept it on him 24/7. It was his motivation. It reminded him of his goal to get her back. Kept him focused. He knew what to do.

"I know what you did Blair," he started off slowly in a gruff voice. He knew exactly how to scold her to get his answer. It killed him inside, but he knew he had to hurt just enough for her to let her guard down and give him the confession he sought. "It's despicable even for you." He fought the urge to wince. "Do you hate me so much you can't stand to see me happy?" His voice almost cracked when he saw her bottom lip waver.

"No!" she yelped. He could see he was getting to her. This little victory kept him going.

"Then why did you drive the person I care most about out of town?" he questioned with a glare. He felt horrible for lying to her.

"Eva left?" She looked genuinely surprised and this shocked him. It also told him what card to play next. "Chuck, I never meant to-"

"Make her leave me?" he cut her off angrily. His rage was starting to get into full swing. God, his hormones went haywire every time she was near him. "Of course you did." He whispered harshly. In that precise moment he saw her resolve begin to crack. He took a deep breath. This was it. "I need to know why." Swallow. "Is it possible you still love me?" Her bottom lip began to tremble and he wanted to quit right then and there. He hated hurting her, but instead he kept staring her down.

"You broke my heart." Her words stung. Fuck. How did she do that? How did she affect him so much that it was now his resolve that was starting to crack.

"That doesn't answer my question." Something in her eyes told him the answer was yes. His glared softened at this realization. He couldn't stare her down anymore; that would only make her put a wall up. He had to coax it out her.

"You broke my heart; you have no right to interrogate me about my feelings anymore," she continued.

"You have a point," he nodded softly, looking down. He took a step towards her. It occurred to him that maybe he needed to make his confession in order for Blair to make hers. "I was just wondering because Eva said something interesting today, and it got me thinking."

"I'm not interested in what your prostitute has to say," she snapped.

"Are you sure about that?" he leered.

She squinted her eyes. The way she hesitated told him he had caught her attention. "You know what, I can already tell that you're going to tell me what she said in the end anyways, so why should I even waste my energy on you trying to fight it. What did she say, Bass?"

He meet her gaze lovingly, "She suggested that whenever we're together we act like we're still in love." He noticed her swallow.

"And I'm sure you assured her that that's impossible."

"Oh, that's what I told her" he said quickly with a nod. "But I know for a fact that I told at least half of a lie. And I've been wondering about it ever since she left. So I came here to find out if my feelings would be reciprocated." He loved the twinkle that she saw in her I. "But I don't deserve an answer, right?"

"Right," she replied slowly. And then her wall came back up. "I'm tired. I'm going to bed," she announced.

"Is that an invitation?" he smirked condescendingly as he wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

"Absolutely not! But knowing you, that doesn't matter anyways. You've been more than willing to crash plenty of parties that you weren't invited to in the past." Was she flirting with him? This was just too good to be true.

She turned and started to climb up the stairs. "Good night Bass!" she called over her shoulders.

"It would be even better if you'd let me join you," he called after her.

"In your dreams Bass!" She called out to him with a laugh.

She expected him to answer back with a witty response, and when he was silent he turned back to look at him. He was standing at the foot of the stairs studying her intently.

Blair climbed down the steps slowly until they were face to face.

"Blair," he said hesitantly. "I think we need to talk."

"Chuck, I don't think that's the best idea," she responded, biting her lip.

"Please," he all but batted his eye lashes.

"Chuck, I…I can't imagine the day I ever stop loving you," she said, still looking down. She took a deep breath and raised her head to meet his gaze matter-of-factly, "But that doesn't mean I forgive you. What we had was great while it lasted, but that's in the past. It's time to move on." She turned to leave yet again.

Chuck was still at the foot of the stair, the Harry Winston box heavy against his chest. There was a heavy, sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach at the thought that he was losing her.

When Blair was on the third step, a boom of deafening thunder resounded through the penthouse. Blair let out a blood curdling scream as she fell backwards, into Chuck's waiting arms.

"Blair, are you okay?" the note of concern in Chuck's voice Blair's heart fluttering.

"Um, yeah. I'm fine. Thanks, for, uh, for catching me." Her eyes were wide open, still in a daze from the sensation of being in Chuck's arms.

"Well I remember how much you love playing the damsel in distress." He responded with a smirk. She let out a shaky laugh. Concerned again, Chuck continued, "Blair, are you sure you'll be okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. The thunder just surprised me. That's all," she assured him. He reluctantly removed his arms from around her waist and steadied her on the floor in front of him.

Just then, when Blair was finally out of Chuck's protective embrace, the thunder sounded yet again and Blair jumped right back into his arms. Chuck took a moment to appreciate the way her legs were wrapped around his waist and her arms were thrown around his neck giving him a perfect view of her cleavage.

Then their eyes met and something electric happened.

"Are you sure?" he cautioned.

Without a word, she leaned in and kissed him like he had never broken her heart.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

After two hours of very passionate, very heated love-making, Chuck and Blair lay underneath the sheets, holding on to one another as if she was his life line and he was hers. She buried her head further into his chest, and he knotted his fingers deeper into her luscious chocolate brown locks.

They both basked in the comforting silence and the familiar feeling of their intricate embrace.

"Blair?" Chuck started nervously, his palms starting to sweat.

"Hmm?" she moaned, not daring to open her eyes.

"There, uh…well there's something you need to know. Something I need to tell you." He stared at the ceiling. He knew that everything had changed now because they'd had sex.

Sex with Blair was different than sex with all the other girls. It meant so much more because Chuck and Blair didn't just have sex; they made love. They'd made love that very first time when Blair lost her virginity in the back of Chuck's limo in junior year, and they'd made love just now, even when he had spent the past four month believing she hated him.

He still loved her, and tonight had proved that, by some act of God, she still loved him too. This was his chance to make things right. Right here, right now, he had the opportunity to win her back. All the lies and the hurt, and betrayal would be expunged from his record if he could show her just how much he loved her.

"This sounds serious," she murmured as she reluctantly propped her chin up on his chest so that she could see his face.

"I have a confession to make," he paused, took a deep breath, and, despite the feeling that he was about to dive head first into shark-infested water, told Blair the truth. "I've been lying to you. I'd told you that I moved on. That I was over you; over us. I told you that I loved Eva. But that was all a lie. I really just need my space, so I could try and become a better person, a better man for you. I've spent the last four months lying to you because I felt like, like I wasn't good enough. I felt like you deserved better. And so I've been striving to become a better man. All the donations and charities and fundraisers—they were all for you. Eva is a sweet girl, and I did have feelings for her to some extent, because she'd taken me in and saved my life; I'll always be grateful to her for that. But I never loved her the way I loved you—I was just using her to make you jealous. But now I realize that that was wrong. And that I'm not a good person yet. I'm trying and I will continue to try, but I'm not there yet. The only good part of me is the fact that I love you, Blair Waldorf. Always have, always will."

Blair's breath caught in her throat. She was in too much shock to form any words. She wanted to jump for joy at his words. She wanted to kiss him over and over again until her lips were sore and then kiss him some more. With all of her heart and soul she wanted to see him smile when she said 'I love you too.' But she was Blair Waldorf, and Blair Waldorf thought with her head, not her heart. And so instead she said:

"I…I…I can never forgive you," she admitted weakly. She hated lying to him, but what other choice did she have? She knew that if she tried, she would someday be able to forgive him, because she loved him so much. But she couldn't forgive him without putting up a fight; otherwise it would make her seem weak. "Which is why we can never be together." Another lie. In all honesty, she wanted nothing more than to be with him. But she was Blair Waldorf. She was in a really bad place right now, and she wasn't strong enough to be in a relationship with Chuck. She didn't have the energy to deal with the drama. If she and Chuck ever got back together, it had to be as equals; right now it felt like he was flying while she was falling. "I'm sorry I lead you on. Tonight was a mistake." She refused to meet his gaze.

"Blair, I know I've really fucked things up things up in the past. I don't deserve a second chance. But I'm begging you, Blair. I can make it up to you. I know I can, because I love you. I would do anything for you."

"Chuck, I think you should go. As far as I am concerned, tonight never happened," she said coldly, struggling to hold back her tears.

He nodded and got up. He wordlessly slipped his clothes back on and just as he was about to walk out the door, Blair stopped him because she couldn't stand to see him so heart broken.

"Chuck?" she waited for him to turn around to face her before continuing. "Just because I didn't forgive you doesn't mean you're not a good person. You are, undoubtedly, the greatest man I have ever known. Don't you ever forget that. And don't think for one second that you're not good enough for me. If anything, it's the other way around." She looked him straight in the eye to show her sincerity, blinking back tears the entire time.

The wheels in Chuck's head started working at her statement. To him, the idea that she was not good enough was absolutely preposterous. He thought back to when he had carried her up the stairs to her bedroom before they'd made love; she'd felt lighter than usual. He looked at her now, naked, with sheets pulled up to cover her chest, and noticed the subtle way her ribs stuck out slightly against her pale, creamy skin.

"Blair, I—I know it may not be my place to say anything. I only want what's best for you. Forgive me for saying this, but I've noticed you've lost a lot of weight. If your condition is back, please don't be scared to ask for help. No one will blame you. No one will judge you or be angry with you—" She cut him off.

"You're right. It's not your place to lecture me about my health. You lost that privilege when you set me up to sleep with your rapist uncle in exchange for a building." Her words stung him like a dagger in his chest.

"Blair I'm not the only person who cares about you. Serena, Dorota, Nate, your parents even; they all want what's best for you. You have every right to shut me out. But please don't shut them out too. You'll only be hurting yourself," he begged.

"I don't want your pity," she said through clench teeth. "Get out!" she barked, giving him a death glare.

He nodded and obeyed.

She held her breath, completely paralyzed until she heard his footstep reach the first floor. Suddenly she was gasping for air, feeling like her whole world was crashing in around her, and she was powerless to stop it. She grasped at her throat, breathing heavily, blinking back her tears.

She felt the nausea slowly taking over her body like a demon, and without fully comprehending what she was doing, she ended up in front of the toilet, heaving the contents of her stomach into the porcelain bowl with all her might.

All that came up was the sickly green stomach acid that felt like fiery flames licking up the walls of her esophagus. Her throat felt puffy and dry. Her eyes were stinging with all the tears she'd been holding back for what felt like ages.

And then she just let herself collapse into the worthless piece of shit she truly believed she was right there on the bathroom floor. The sobs reverberated throughout her petite frame, leaving her too exhausted to even sleep. She had nothing to do but bask in self-hatred.

_How could I have been so stupid to let Chuck go? He was the only good thing that had ever come out of my life. I want to get better, I really do, but at the same time, I can't afford to lose the control that bulimia gives me. I have to be skinny and perfect like Eva. Chuck said that he was only with Eva to make me jealous, but she didn't believe it for one instant. Other than the fact that she had no class, was dirt-poor, and was an ex-prostitute, Eva was flawless. She was pretty, she was sweet, and she had saved Chuck's life. He had probably only said that he still loved me out of pity. Heck, he had probably only slept with me out of pity; well, that and the fact that Chuck Bass never turned down sex._

Blair had never felt more lost in her entire life, except maybe when she'd lost Yale. Nope, not even then. Losing Yale was nothing compared to losing the one true love of her life, Chuck Bass.

She hated herself for being too weak to admit she had a problem. She hated herself for being too weak to ask for help. She felt weak in every aspect of her life apart from her weight. At least she had some control over that. If she didn't have that control, she didn't know what she would do. She knew her condition wasn't healthy, but it kept her going. In her mind, it was either bulimia or suicide—to her it was a pretty easy decision. Of course there was a third option that she refused to consider.

But she always had that third option to be loved by Chuck Bass. She could go to him, shamelessly. If she could just swallow her pride and reach out to him. If she would just ask him for help, she would find that he would be more than happy to help her. He loved her. Chuck Bass would give the world for her.

She could get better. Chuck would get her professional help. He'd get her the best doctors money could buy.

And someday, when she was healed, they could get married. Maybe even have a family. And the would live happily ever after.

If only Blair Waldorf would let herself be loved by Chuck Bass.

Blair didn't know what to do as she slowly made her way back to bed and cried herself to sleep. The only thing that she did know was that she still loved Chuck.

That was her very last thought as she drifted off to sleep sometime around 4 a.m.

**A/N:**_** Hey Guys! Sorry for how morbid this is right now. I promise it will get fluffier! Chuck is going t prove that he is a good Samaritan and get B the help she need. Happy times are coming, I promise. PLEASE REVIEW! XOXO**_


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Blair Waldorf and Chuck Bass woke up in separate beds but with matching migraines. The first thought on his mind was her and the first thought on her mind was him.

He took a deep breath and got up out of the bed gingerly. Bass Industries was enough of a stress load for him to worry about, but as he padded to the master bathroom and went through his daily morning routine, Bass Industries was not his main concern. He couldn't help but worry about Blair; she was the love of his life after all and by this point he was absolutely positive that her condition had returned. He cursed himself for the millionth time since he'd confronted her about it last night because he knew deep down that he was to blame for this relapse.

By the time he had stepped out of the shower, he had a plan of action. He wrapped a fluffy white towel around his waist and grabbed his cell phone off the counter. He hit the number 3 on his speed dial to dial his trusty secretary (Blair was number 1 and Nate was number 2) and told her to enroll him in a business class at Columbia, even though he knew he didn't need the class. He had to keep an eye on Blair. She couldn't get rid of him that easily. He would not let the woman he loved fade away.

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Blair groaned into her damp pillow. Her eyes were red and puffy, and still stung from crying herself to sleep, just as she had for the past six months, ever since Chuck had traded her for the Empire.

She was anything but ready to start the day. She would give anything to stay in bed with nothing but her TV, her library of Audrey Hepburn films, a container of crème brulee flavored Haagen-Dazs and a bottle of scotch. And her trusty toilet bowl of course.

"No!" she shouted at herself out loud. She bit her lip, worried that Serena had heard. After a few seconds she let out the breath she'd been holding. She relaxed into the bed and repeated her mantra in her head: "I will not be weak."

It didn't matter if she was bulimic. She could live with her conditions. Her problem was the fact that she couldn't let her condition affect the other aspects of her life. She could make herself throw up as much as she wanted behind closed doors, but she had to keep her keep her priorities straight in the other aspects of her life. She had to on top of her social life. She had to kick ass when it came to her academics. And as for her love life, there were surely other young, successful businessman fish in the sea other than the infamous Bass.

In fact, she had heard something about a new business class starting the day after tomorrow. It wouldn't be the worst way to meet a guy. Maybe she would end up sitting next to her future husband. Just because she couldn't be with her basstard didn't mean she couldn't still marry a successful businessman. She made a mental note to enroll after her Psychology class at ten.

She reluctantly rolled out of bed with a sigh and ambled over to her mirror to scowl at the bags beneath her eyes. She brushed her teeth furiously to get rid of her puke breath. As she shed her clothes she ignored the way her ribs had started to poke out through her pale skin. She hopped into the shower and spent a good forty minutes savoring the calming effects of hot water. She slipped into a La Perla silk robe and dried her hair before waking Serena, who had an Art History class to be at in an hour and a half.

"Rise and shine, S," Blair sang out with a cheerful façade as she opened up the blinds.

"Hmm, five more minutes," the blonde groaned into her pillow.

"Come on, S. It's already seven, you have art history at 8:30." She shook her best friend's shoulder gently.

"Why didn't you say so?" the blonde popped up and nearly ran to the bathroom. Blair just rolled her eyes and made her way back to her own room. She stood in her walk-in closet, and without really thinking about what she was putting on, got dressed in a lilac pleated leather skirt by Alice + Olivia and a deep purple Catherine Malandrino wrap blouse. She quickly worked through her hair with a curling iron and pulled it back with a triple strand Jennifer Behr head band.

She was ahead of schedule, so she took her time to apply her makeup. It took her a little longer than usual because she had to spend extra time hiding the dark circles underneath her eyes. Just as she was finishing up, Serena popped her head in to say good bye.

"Hey, it's time for me to be heading out. Cute outfit by the way," Serena chirped.

"Thanks, S."

"The lilac, crocodile skin Nancy Gonzalez tote Chuck gave you last Christmas would match perfectly." Blair knew the blonde was right.

"I planned on wearing my nude Valentino," she snapped back a little too harshly. "It'll match the nude pumps I'm wearing," she hurriedly explained before her friend got suspicious.

"Whatever you say, B. Anyways, I'm out of here. I'm already late enough."

"Have a good day," Blair called out.

Blair let out a sigh of relief when she heard the door close. She quickly sprayed some Chanel No.5. put on her David Yurman amethyst studs and matching watch. She grabbed the Nancy Gonzalez bag as she ran out the door.

She grabbed a Prozac and chased it down with a swig from an open wine bottle she found in the fridge before heading out the door.

She didn't have the patience to wait for a cab, so instead whipped out her cell phone to call a car. She scrolled down to the 'Ch's'and intended to hit the button for 'Chauffeur.' This wouldn't have been an issue had she looked at which button she was actually pressing before putting the phone to ear, because she would have noticed that she had pressed on the contact just below chauffeur.

"Blair?" Chuck answered in a pleasantly surprised tone. She could hear the smile in his voice and couldn't help the fact that the sound of his voice warmed her heart.

"Chuck? What the fuck?" She exclaimed, cursing herself for her carelessness.

"Good morning to you too."

"Oh my god. I am so sorry. I must have accidently pressed on your name instead of chauffeur," she exclaimed, hoping he believed her.

"Don't apologize. I never mind hearing your voice."

"Well I really need to go. I have class and I'm already running late."

"Well hold on. I'm at the Empire but I have Arthur running some errands for me at the Palace. He should be finishing up now, so he should be only a minute or two away. He can take you to Columbia."

"Oh that's not necessary," she started.

"Blair, Arthur is just as loyal a chauffeur to you as he is to me. He'll take you." He wasn't asking her. He was telling.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome. And Blair?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you," he stated. Every fiber or her body wanted to tell him she loved him too. He could practically hear her bite her lip through the phone. "It's okay; you don't have to say it back."

"I want to," she sighed truthfully. "But sometimes love isn't enough." She hung up and walked out of the elevator.

Sure enough, the very second she stepped out of the building and into the September air, Arthur rolled up in front of her and opened the door for her.

"Good morning Miss Waldorf. Mr. Bass gave me orders to take you to Columbia."

"Yes, that's correct. Thank you, Arthur."

He closed door behind her. Before the limo had even driven off, Blair had already poured herself a glass of scotch from Chuck's glass.

Within ten minute, Arthur pulled up in front of the gates of Columbia. She set down her half full glass of scotch in the cup holder and slid out of the familiar limousine. As she looked up at the Ivy League University in front of her, she couldn't help but think that if it wasn't for Chuck, she would still be stuck at NYU. She really did love Columbia. And if she was being completely honest with herself, she really did love Chuck too.

She took a deep breath and strut off towards her psychology class.

Psychology had always been one of her more stimulating classes. Not only was it interesting, but it was also quite useful, especially when she was scheming with Chuck. Chuck. She shook her head to push the thought of him out of her brain. She tried her very best to concentrate on the lecture, but there was no way around it. Whatever she did, wherever she was, he was always there.

The class seemed to drag on forever. She all but ran out of the lecture hall when her professor finally dismissed them.

She walked over to the admission building to enroll in the business class. Even if she didn't find her future husband in the class, it would be worth it. Business had always come easily to her, but it was more than just an easy A; it could be useful if and when her mother decided to retire and give Blair the company. As she walked out of the building she saw him getting into his limo.

"Chuck? What are you doing here? Were you spying on me?"

"Blair? I thought you had psychology on the other end of campus. I was actually just enrolling in a business class." He couldn't let her know that he was doing it to keep an eye on her. "I've been having some trouble with a board member of Bass Industries, and Columbia has a world-renowned professor, so I came to get some advice from him. He should have been a car salesman instead of a businessman though, because he somehow managed to convince me to enroll in his class. But I figure it can only help me, right?"

"Yeah," she mumbled. This could not be happening. "I, uh, I was just enrolling in a business class too, what a small world."

"You? Business? Why?"

"You'll laugh if I tell you why," she sighed.

"Maybe, but you still have to tell me."

"Serena thinks it would be a good way for me to find my future husband," she said with an incredulously. It was only partially true, because Serena knew nothing about her enrollment, but Chuck didn't have to know that.

"Ha! Wouldn't it be funny if…" she cut him off.

"No. I doubt it. I mean, the school has, like a dozen business classes. It's probably not the same one."

"Yeah, you're right."

"Well, I'll see you around, I guess."

"Bye, Blair."

They stood there on the sidewalk just staring at each other. Eventually, she just pecked his cheek, before silently turning to walk away.

"Blair!" he called out to her.

She turned back to face him.

"I love you."

She gave him a sad smile. "I know."

He watched her walk away before getting into the limo, only to find a half full scotch glass. He smiled, recognizing her signature shade of lipstick on the rim, and downed the glass.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

C

_This could not be happening_ Blair Waldorf thought to herself as she walked away from the love of her life. She could practically feel his piercing gaze on her back, and every fiber of her body wanted to turn around and meet that gaze.

But she couldn't.

Because he broke her heart.

Broke her heart in such a way that her heart was incapable of doing anything but love Chuck Bass.

She stole a cautious glance behind her and let out a sigh of relief when she saw his limo finally driving away.

_Damn that Mother Chucker for making her love him. _

She entered her Anthropology class, but was even less focused than she had been in Psychology.

_What were the odds that they were both enrolling in a business class? Could it be that he had lied and was really just spying on her? But he'd seemed so honest and good lately, maybe he was telling the truth and she was just fantasizing that he was just doing this to be with her; that would be romantic, in a twisted way. She knew she was overthinking this; they probably wouldn't be in the same class anyways. But God, she really hoped they would be in the same class, just so she could see him every day._

"No!" she shouted out loud at the realization that she was falling for Chuck Bass all over again.

Her slip up earned her judgmental looks from the entire class.

"Sorry, I…uh… I just broke a nail," she mumbled, he cheeks flushing bright red.

The professor gave her a doubtful look before continuing the lecture.

The class finally ended, and Blair exited the lecture hall in a daze. She still had Latin and Statistics classes in the afternoon, but figured it would be best if she just skipped today. She was still shell-shocked from her realization that she still wanted to be with Chuck. Of course she knew she still loved him, but loving Chuck and being with Chuck was two different things entirely and she certainly could not allow the latter to happen.

She was in desperate need of retail therapy, so she called a cab to take her to Madison Avenue.

She weaved in an out of the stores, splurging on any and every item that caught her fancy.

Open-toe, lacy red pumps from Valentino.

A navy and white polka dot cocktail dress from Ralph Lauren.

A gold, jeweled, satin clutch from Prada.

A black pea coat from Mulberry.

Five thousand dollars later, Blair found herself in front of the Vera Wang bridal shop. She thought back to Paris. To when she discovered that Chuck had a Harry Winston engagement ring in his possession. She knew he intended to propose that fateful night when she was supposed to meet him on top of the Empire State Building. If only he'd waited a little bit longer, they'd be planning their wedding right now.

She didn't know why, but some higher power made her enter the bridal shop.

Before she even realized what she was doing, she was trying on perhaps the most gorgeous wedding dress she'd ever laid eyes on. The strapless bodice was adorned with intricate floral embroidery. Billowy chiffon shimmied down the poufy white skirt.

Blair was so absorbed in her moment that she didn't notice the employee videotaping her private moment with an iPhone.

The sneaky employee continued recording as Blair ran her fingers across the flawless fabric wistfully. She swore nothing had ever fit her so perfectly. The corset pushed her cleavage up just enough to make her look womanly and sensuous without making her look trashy. The bodice cinched in just the right place so that it highlighter her thin waist. The skirt floated around her with each twirl so that she looked like a princess.

She looked down at her left hand and noticed her devastatingly empty ring finger. A fat tear rolled down her cheek and she wiped it away.

She was suddenly so overwhelmed with loneliness. She got out of the wedding gown as fast as she could. By the time she was clad in only her La Perla's, she broke down. She sat down on the floor of the dressing room and let the tears fall as her body shook violently, as if she had just been stabbed in the heart.

After a good ten minutes, she took a deep breath, picked herself up, and got dressed. Only then did the employee stop recording.

She gathered her things and exited the store with as much poise as ever. She hailed a cab and headed home. When she was finally in the security of the Waldorf penthouse, she was ready to collapse on her bed and bury herself in a castle of Egyptian cotton.

Unfortunately for Blair, Serena had other plans.

The leggy blonde was waiting for her in her room while reading the latest issue of Vogue.

"Hey B! How was your day?" Serena chirped.

"Eh, it was pretty mediocre," Blair sighed.

"I see you got some shopping done," Serena pointed out with a raised eyebrow as she eyed the shopping bags in Blair's hands.

Blair just shrugged in response.

"Hey, I never got a chance to ask you this morning. How did things go with Chuck last night?" Serena called out as Blair dropped the shopping bags on her chaise and started taking off her pumps.

"I'd rather not talk about it," was all Blair said, refusing to meet her gaze.

"Oh, B…" Serena started in a sympathetic tone.

"He said he loved me," Blair blurted out.

"So…" Serena trailed off, expecting her best friend to elaborate.

"So what? It doesn't matter," Blair snapped.

"But you do still have feelings for him, don't you?"

"Of course I do. I'll always love him. But he broke my heart. And can never forgive him. So we can't be together. End of story." Blair struggled to blink back tears.

"But don't you think you should…"

"I said I didn't want to talk about it!" Blair cut her off.

Serena stood up to leave when both of their cell phones beeped to indicate a Gossip Girl blast.

_This just in Upper East Siders: Rumor has it that there has been some reconciliation between our Queen B and her dark prince. That's right kiddies, B and C have crossed paths on more than one occasion in the past 24 hours. Could it be that they're back together at last?_

_SPOTTED: _

_1. E at the Air France at JFK. Going home so soon? I guess things didn't work out with C._

_2. C entering B's building around 11 p.m. That didn't take very long. Now we know why things didn't work out with French fry._

_3. C leaving B's building at 3 a.m. sporting sex hair and tieless. But wait—what's that he's looking at in his hand. Could it be? A Harry Winston engagement ring? I wonder what this means._

_4. B taking C's limo to Columbia this morning._

_5. B and C running into each other outside the admissions office at Columbia around 11:15 a.m._

_6. B trying on a big white dress at the Vera Wang Bridal Shop!_

_C with an engagement ring and B with a wedding dress! Do I hear wedding bells? But wait, there's a video too. Notice how B isn't her usual poised self when she notices her empty ring finger. I wonder how long that finger will be ring less. Also, is it just me or are B's ribs sticking out a bit too much during her nervous breakdown._

Blair and Serena shared a look of mutual understanding before Serena ran to Blair and wrapped her arms around her bawling best friend.

The two girls didn't talk; Serena just let Blair cry out all her tears.

After a few hours, Blair had quieted down and Dorota came in with some tea to appease her and calm her nerves.

"Hey B, I hate to do this, but I promised my mom I'd be at family dinner. Are you going to be okay on your own? I can call and cancel if you want…"

"No, S. Don't worry about me. I'll be fine. You should go. You haven't been to family dinner in forever," Blair urged. She paused before adding, "In fact, I'm feeling a little restless. I need to get out. Do you think your mom would mind if I came too?"

"B, you know she wouldn't. I'll call and tell her to set up an extra plate."

"Thanks, S. And sorry for being such a bitch to you earlier. I know you were only trying to help."

Serena gave her an understanding smile before walking out the door.

Blair hopped into the shower to wash away all her emotions of the day. She got out and dressed hastily in a purple Herve Leger bandage dress and black Louboutin peep-toe pumps. She redid her makeup and brushed through her hair so that it floated around her hair like a wavy halo. She snatched her satin Mai-Thai evening clutch by Lanvin and headed out the door.

Serena was waiting for her in the foyer, dressed in a simple in red Lanvin dress.

The girls were silent for the duration of the ten minute drive from the Waldorf penthouse to the van der Woodsen penthouse.

Just as they stepped into the elevator the girl heard a very familiar voice call out, "Hold the elevator!"

Blair looked up to see Chuck get in the elevator. In that very instant, their eyes met and for that moment, time stopped. Serena was forgotten. The rest of the world was forgotten. It was just Chuck, Blair, and the knowledge that came with Gossip Girl's most recent blast.

Serena cleared her throat. "Chuck, my mom didn't mention you'd be at family dinner."

"I've been to every single one since I got home from Paris," he nodded. "You ladies look gorgeous. Blair, you know I've always said you look particularly stunning in purple." He offered her a kind smile.

"Yeah B, I've noticed you've been wearing a lot of purple lately. What's up with that?" Serena questioned.

"I guess you're right, S. I didn't really think about it. I guess it was just subconscious," she shrugged, trying to blow it off. It really had been subconscious. The part that she didn't add was that it was a subconscious way of trying to impress Chuck. This realization gave her goose bumps.

The elevator binged and they were in the van der Woodsen penthouse at last.

"Serena! Blair! Charles! Oh it so wonderful to see you kids!" She gave all three of them tight hugs.

Chuck extended his arm to Lily to hand her a decadent bouquet of yellow roses. Blair gasped at the sight.

"Oh, Charles! That's so sweet! Thank you," Lily gushed.

"You have no idea," Blair murmured in amazement at the sight in front of her. The statement earned her confused stares from Lily and Serena.

Chuck, on the other hand, knew exactly what she was referring to.

"I believe Blair is referring to the fact that, at least according to Bart, yellow roses were my mother's favorite. It was my way saying I love as much, if not more than any son could love his biological mother," Chuck explained.

"Oh," Lily gasped, her eyes filling up with tears of joy. "Charles I am truly honored."

Blair's breath caught in her throat. She couldn't remember that last time that she was so truly happy for someone other than herself. Her whole life, she'd been so self-centered. But in that moment, she felt pure, unadulterated happiness for Chuck. She loved him so much; more than anything else, she just wanted him to be happy.

She just watched the billionaire love of her life get the one thing he'd never had: a mother.

Chuck eyed her suspiciously. She was beaming at him as if she was watching a malnourished African child eat their first balanced meal.

"Blair? Why do you look so happy? Are you…are you high?" Serena cautioned.

Chuck burst out laughing at his stepsister's confusion.

"What? Me? No, I'm just happy for Chuck and Lily. Aren't you?" she hastily explained, hoping that no one noticed how strange she was acting.

"Yes, of course I am. But…you know what, never mind. We'll talk later. But right now I am famished." Serena walked off in the direction of the dining room.

Blair let out a sigh of relief. It was bad enough that she was still so madly in love with Chuck. The last thing she wanted was people knowing about it. If Serena knew she still wanted to be with Chuck, Serena would encourage Blair to follow her heart and be with Chuck. But Serena didn't understand. Blair couldn't forgive him because then he'd just end up breaking her heart all over again.

Lily, Serena, Chuck, and Blair walked into the dining room where Chuck was met with three menacing glares from Eric, Dan, and Rufus. Blair took her seat between Serena and Chuck. She knew it wasn't the healthiest idea for her to be seated next to Chuck, but she wasn't about to force him to sit next to Rufus, Dan, or Eric.

Chuck cleared his throat before saying cordially, "Rufus, thank you for welcoming into your home."

"Oh you are by no means welcomed here by me you bastard," Rufus shot back at him with a hurtful glare.

"Rufus!" Lily exclaimed.

"I'm sorry Lily, but he doesn't deserve my kindness," Rufus stated matter-of-factly.

"Well he doesn't deserve your abuse either. Jenny was just responsible as he was," Lily defended.

"No, I did deserve it. What I did was wrong. I'm sorry for the trouble I've caused."

"No, Charles. You took full responsibility for your actions from the very start. You don't deserve this. Contrary to what my husband may choose to believe, Jennifer was not a victim but an instigator. What you did was wrong, but she was wrong too," Lily fought back.

"That's where you're wrong. You don't get it. You're too blind with adoration to remember his reputation from high school. Chuck was practically a rapist back in those days. For all I know, that hasn't changed!" Dan shouted, giving Chuck a death glare.

Blair watched incredulously as Chuck just nodded and took the abuse.

"That is enough, Humphrey!" Blair shouted, pounding her fist on the table. "You don't have the slightest idea what you're talking about. Take it from someone who actually lost their virginity to Chuck Bass. Jenny was not a victim! I know her. She's never been a victim of anything but poor breeding and a middle-class income. Jenny is a fighter; she's not the type to let someone take advantage of her. That's why I made her the Queen on Constance last year. And either way, Chuck didn't take advantage of her, even if she was vulnerable. He just made a mistake. We all do. Serena did when she slept with Nate. Dan did when he slept Georgina. Heck, even I did when I slept with Jack. But we all eventually took responsibility for our actions, even Chuck."

"Blair, why are you defending him? He cheated on you!" Eric started.

"No he didn't!" Blair insisted, shaking her head furiously. "Like I said, he made a mistake."

"Your only defending him because you're just as blind as Lily is. You're too in love with the son of a gun…" Dan raised his voice.

"Shut the fuck up, Humphrey!" Blair boomed, standing up so that she could tower over him. "Don't you dare call him that! He's twice, no he's a billion times the man you'll ever be. You have no idea what he's been through and how far he's come. You have no right to say those things about him!" she thundered.

Everyone just stared at her in disbelief.

"I'm sorry things had to be like this. Lily, thank you for standing up for me. I really do love you like my own mother. But I think it's best if I go." Chuck stood up and kissed Lily on the cheek. He nodded at everyone at the table before walking out.

"Wait!" Blair called after him. "I should go too, or else I'll probably end up breaking something. Lily, I really am sorry for my outburst. You've been nothing but polite to me. I apologize." Blair offered Lily and Serena respective hugs before following Chuck.

Chuck looked completely bewildered as he stared at her in the elevator.

"Why did you just do that? Why did you stand up for me? Rufus was right! What I did was wrong! The part that they didn't understand is that Jenny wasn't the victim, you were," he rambled in a broken tone.

"When you love someone, you stand up for them no matter what," Blair replied slowly.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

"Why did you just do that? Why did you stand up for me? Rufus was right! What I did was wrong! The part that they didn't understand is that Jenny wasn't the victim, you were," he rambled in a broken tone.

"When you love someone, you stand up for them no matter what," Blair replied slowly. She looked up to meet his gaze. "But that doesn't mean I forgive you."

"Blair, I, I don't understand. You're driving me crazy here," he cried in the same broken tone.

"Well after everything that you've put me through, you've thoroughly earned my driving you crazy."

"I suppose you're right." He nodded.

"Of course I am," she retorted. He chuckled at her comment.

The elevator chimed and they exited the building side by side.

"So I guess I'll see you around?" Blair piped up as they turned to go their separate ways.

He nodded. "I love you." He turned to walk away without another word.

Just as he turned the corner he heard her heels clacking against the pavement hurriedly. He looked back in time to see her call out for him to wait up.

Once they were face to face she took a moment to catch her breath before saying, "Can we uh, can we talk?" she pleaded.

"Under one condition." She nodded for him to go on. "Have dinner with me…Please?"

She bit her lip before caving in, "Well when you ask so politely, how can I possible say no?"

He blushed and looked down. Never before in her entire life had she seen Chuck Bass blush. Maybe he really had changed.

He held his hand out to her and she took his hand without hesitation. Without think about it, the finger weaved together into a comfortable twine.

"I need a drink," Chuck admitted as they walked down 57th.

"Lily was serving the most delectable vintage white wine from Bordeaux to go with the lobster pot pies. Wherever we go I want more white wine. Which mean wherever we go better have good lobster," she rambled on. "Speaking of which, Bass, where were you planning on taking me?"

" Well 's is about three minutes from here walking and I happen to have private dining available to me at my leisure. Not to mention, they do have an excellent lobster dish on the menu."

"Sounds good to me. Although if we are going to Mr. Chow's I must say I am partial to their sea bass," she teased with a flirtatious wink.

"What is with you and your inability to resist a good bass?" he joked back.

She just smiled back at him. They held each other's gaze in a death grip for quite some time, but eventually their matching smiles of elation faded and were replace by sad smiles.

They reached the restaurant and were led to the private dining area. The pair was completely silent until their crispy duck rolls arrived for the first course.

"I'm sorry for driving you crazy. If I wasn't still getting my period I would think you knocked me up because of all these mood swings. There's a part of me that will always love you. I miss what we had, but it's impossible to go back to what we lost and pretend that the past few months never happened. When we're together like this our pull is as undeniable as ever, but whenever I think of everything you've done to me, I don't know how to forgive you and just let you back into my life."

"As sad as that makes me, I totally understand where you're coming from. I will regret every single thing I have ever done to hurt you for every second of everyday for the rest of my life. Your love is the best thing that's ever happened to me and I hate myself for throwing what we had away, Blair. And I know you may never forgive me. I don't think I deserve your forgiveness either. But that doesn't mean I won't spend every second of everyday trying to make it up to you for the rest of my life," he vowed.

Blair didn't know what to say. She was completely paralyzed. Instead of responding, she reached past her own glass of wine for Chuck's scotch and downed the whole glass in a single swig. She slammed the glass down on the table and took a deep breath.

"I love you Chuck Bass. But I can't forgive you. So we can't be together. But I need you in my life." She stated bluntly. "You say you're always right. Well if that's the case, tell me what I should do?" she challenged

"Let me love you," he pleaded.

"You make it sound so simple." Her breath caught in her throat; that seemed to be happening a lot lately.

"Blair?"

She didn't respond. Instead she just played with her fingers in her lap.

"Blair? Please look at me. I didn't mean to upset you. I was merely saying that anyway you choose to see it; I will never stop loving you. I'm incapable of not loving you. You might as well accept it instead of fighting it. It really is that simple. It doesn't have to be complicated if you don't want it to; just accept that I love you and keep on living your life. I don't want my love to hold you back; I want my love to empower you."

"Wow Bass, that has to be the wisest thing you've ever said to me."

He smirked in response.

Their main dishes both arrived at that moment. She looked at the sumptuous sea bass in front of her and the even more sumptuous Bass sitting across from her. She licked her lips at the sight of them both.

She bit her lip before asking the question she'd been dying to ask him all evening.

"About the Gossip Girl Blast…" she started off hesitantly.

He pushed his chair back and reached into his pocket for the Harry Winston box. He set the box down on the table and pushed it in Blair's direction. She gasped in response.

"I always keep it on me. I guess I just can't seem to let it go. It keeps me grounded, you know; reminds me about what's important in life. Reminds me to be a man worthy of your love."

"You've always been a man worthy of my love. I'm just not sure if you're a man worthy of my forgiveness. And until I figure that out, we can't be together. I'm sorry. I think it's best if I go home."

Without another word Blair grabbed her bag and left the restaurant before he could see her heart break. She had been so close to cracking right there and then. She wanted to forgive him right there and them. She hated herself for being so goddamn stubborn. But she just couldn't sit there across from and love him the way she did without forgiving him, and she couldn't forgive him because her instinct told her to protect her heart. Her heart was no longer safe with Chuck Bass because, even though he may have said all the right things, he was still the man who traded her for a building.

"Blair!"

She turned to see him run out of the restaurant in pursuit of her. He panted as her drew closer until they were face to face.

"You left before I had a chance to tell you I loved you," he explained sincerely.

"Oh," was all she could say.

"I love you."

She wanted to do nothing more than kiss him and reassure him that her love for him was unconditional and everlasting. Instead she just nodded and walked away.

The journey home passed by in a daze.

Once Blair was in the comforts of the Waldorf Penthouse, she made a beeline for the bar. Without really thinking about it, Blair took a giant swig straight from the bottle of scotch. She took the bottle up the stairs with her to her bedroom as she got ready to forget. She changed into her sexiest lingerie from Agent Provocateur. On top of that was a lacy, itty bitty black Balenciaga. She let her curly tendrils hang loosed around her shoulders. She replaced her modest heels she'd worn before with sky high jeweled lace and suede pumps from Dolce & Gabbana.

She grabbed her clutch and left the penthouse by the time the bottle of scotch was empty. She ordered a taxi to take her to the Gansevoort in the meat-packing district. When she got to the club, the place was packed because apparently the Kardashian skanks had chosen that night to slut their talentless lives away at the very same club.

Blair just went with the flow and let an unacceptably large amount of sweaty bodies grind up against her own. She didn't give a damn about the dozen males who had been trying to grab her ass since the moment she walked through the door.

Sometime around one in the morning, two hours after she'd arrived at the club, Blair had ended up against the wall of a dimly light corridor with some guy whose name she didn't remember tongue down her throat, his hands roaming over her breast with a certain air of vulgarity.

Meanwhile, back in his suite at the Empire Chuck Bass was sitting at his desk throwing himself into his latest business deals to keep his mind off Blair. He wasn't very successful because he checked his phone to see Gossip Girl had spotted her at the Gansevoort of all places. Damn she was sexy. He filled with a jealous rage to see the photo depicted her surrounded by a throng of lust-filled men.

He ditched his tie and unbuttoned the first few buttons of his dress shirt to show a little chest hair—somehow that always made Blair incredibly horny. He called Arthur to bring the limo around and within half an hour he was at the club, searching for Blair.

He'd already gone through the dance floor twice and she was still nowhere to be found. He prayed to God she hadn't gone home with one of the pigs who had been grinding up on her in the Gossip Girl picture.

All the scotch he had been drinking earlier in the evening was starting to get to his bladder. As he made his way down the dimly lit corridor to the men's room, he heard it.

Chuck had memorized her voice years ago; he knew it so well, he was pretty sure he could pick it out over the chatter of a crowded room.

He didn't like the all too familiar note of hysteria he recognized in her voice.

He forgot all about his need to pee in that moment and instead ran towards her voice. When he found her she was with a scruffy but buff man in his late twenties groping at her breasts and sticking his tongue down her throat. She squirmed against the wall and helplessly struggled to push him away.

"N-no!" she cried out in despair.

In that instant Chuck clawed the man off Blair's trembling body and threw him onto the floor with a brutal shot of adrenaline. Before the man could even react, Chuck was straddling him, pounding his fist into the man's nose repeatedly.

"Don't" _punch_ "you"_ punch_ "dare" _punch _"touch" _punch_ "her" _punch_ "ever" _punch _"again!" _punch_

Chuck stood up and guided a very flustered, very drunk Blair out of the club.

Despite the tears that had adorned her face in the club, Blair conducted herself with a newfound bubbliness in the back of the limo.

"You know," she slurred against his chest, "There's nothing sexier than you beating up that douche bag for me."

Chuck rolled his eyes at the love of his life; the Blair Waldorf he'd grown up with would have never said the phrase 'douche bag' in her right mind.

"I'm serious!" She slapped his chest playfully. "It's a major turn on," she confessed. She rotated her hips so that she was straddling him.

"Blair…" he started nervously. He was losing his focus and starting to thing less with his brain and more with his reproductive organs.

She placed both hands on either side of his head and her big brown eyes pierced his own. He inhaled the scent of scotch on her breath. "Chuck Bass you are my hero," she vowed. Then she leaned back and slurred out in her inebriated state, "Did you ever know that you're my hero, and everything I would like to be? I can fly higher than an eagle, 'cause you are the wind beneath my wings. Fly, fly, fly high against the sky, so high I almost touch the sky. Thank you, thank you, thank God for you, the wind beneath my wings." Her voice cracked as she belted the last couple notes. She leaned her forehead against his.

On the few occasion in which she'd gotten wasted, Chuck had noticed Blair had a tradition of serenading him before getting sick.

Luckily they were pulled up in front of Blair's building.

Chuck efficiently led her up to her penthouse and sat her down on the bathroom counter. She continued to sing drunkenly, now moving on to her drunken rendition of "I Can't Help Falling In Love With You."

Before she could finish the sing, she had her head in the toilet bowl, Chuck holding her hair and rubbing her back soothingly.

"That's it. Good girl. Just get it all out," he encouraged. Though he'd never admit it, Chuck loved taking care of Blair. He liked to secretly pretend they were husband and wife.

When it seemed like she was finally finished with the vomiting, he helped her brush her teeth. He grabbed a bottle of water and made her drink from it before guiding her into the refreshing shower.

He gently stripped both of them of their clothes. He took comfort in the fact that she was too wasted to remember that way his fingertips lingered over her breasts the next morning. He supported her limp body against his own as he caressed her body with soap and tenderly massaged shampoo into her scalp rhythmically.

He dried both of them off and changed her into her comfiest silk night gown. He tucked her in and kissed her forehead sweetly. He left a bottle of water and the bottle of water and a bottle of Ibuprofen on her night stand along with a note on her most expensive stationary that read _I Love You –C_.

He took one last look at her sleeping like an angel before leaving.

Once in the comforts of his own bed back at the Empire, he fell asleep gazing into the depths of the Harry Winston engagement ring.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

Blair woke up from the slight squeeze of Dorota's hand around her own.

"Miss Blair, time for new business class," the faithful nanny urged softly, knowing Blair would be in a cranky mood due to her alcohol consumption the night before.

"Five more minutes," Blair rolled over and groaned into her pillow, though she was thankful Dorota had been considerate enough to keep the curtains shut.

"Miss Blair, I think if you take the medicine Mr. Chuck left for you, you feel well enough for class."

"Mr. Chuck?" Blair questioned.

All of a sudden her vague memories of the night before flooded back to the forefront of her brain at such a speed that it caused her to clutch her head in her hands.

She remembered the way he saved her from that pig who almost raped her in the back of the club. That was about it as far as her memory went; although she did vaguely remember the embarrassing way she had serenaded Chuck about something to do with him being her hero.

The very thought of the whole adventure left her blushing and she quickly pushed the thought from her mind.

She rolled over to her dresser to see the medicine as well as the note Chuck had left for her.

She mentally cursed herself for the butterflies that formed in the pit of her stomach.

She remembered Chuck's words at dinner the night before; he'd said something about he wanted his love to empower her.

So she took a deep breath and soaked in all the love that was on that note and used it as her energy source.

She obediently took the medicine left on her night stand and padded to her bathroom. She brushed her teeth and got ready for class in a perfunctory fashion. It was outstanding how just one simple note could give her so much confidence. She didn't know what to expect from her business class, or anything else for that matter, but she welcomed whatever way coming with open arms. She held the aces. She was in control. She may be facing the impossible. She may be chasing after miracles. And there may be the steepest mountain to overcome: Chuck Bass. But this was step one. She was a bulimic and she wasn't afraid to admit it to herself, because it gave her control, and she needed that power in her life to keep her sane. She didn't want to let go of that power anytime soon. It was easier to focus on the more critical aspects of her life when she had that one aspect of control. Now she could concentrate on getting back on top. And if she could find a way to forgive Chuck Bass, then so be it. And if she couldn't, that was okay too, because she could find another person who could love her.

She noticed that her hair was damp and it dawned on her that she had showered when Chuck brought her home from the club. But she was certainly in no state to get in the shower on her own, which meant that Chuck must have showered with her. Oddly enough, that realization didn't make her uncomfortable.

She straightened her shiny brunette locks, applied simple but pretty make up, and dressed in a violet Jason Wu flared mini skirt and a black and magenta printed floral chiffon blouse. She threw on a black blazer, black patent leather pumps, big black sunglasses and a matching tote bag before heading out the door.

She arrived to class early enough to get a seat in the first row, right smack in the center of the class room. She sat down and set her brand new textbook in front of her and waited for her future husband to sit down in the empty seat to her right.

Exactly thirty seconds before class began, a breathless Chuck Bass holding two cups of coffee.

He took the seat beside her and pushed one venti Starbucks cup towards her. She just stared at him wide-eyed through her sunglasses as he explained.

"I was here ten minutes ago but when I saw you sitting here I literally ran to Starbucks to get you coffee, only to remember last night. And caffeine is bad for hangovers according to the mobile WebMD app on my phone because it constricts your blood vessels and raises your blood pressure, so I just got you a decaf chai latte. How are you by the way? I'm so sorry about what you had to go through last night with that prick; I know he didn't really do any physical damage, but are you okay? Emotionally, I mean. Because if you want to talk, I'm here for you." Chuck Bass never rambled in the past, but there was no other verb to describe what he was doing at that moment. To Blair, he sounded like the epitome of the stereotypical overprotective husband.

Class started before Blair could respond, and to be honest, she was sort of relieved that the class was interesting enough for her to keep her mind off Chuck.

The class passed by quickly enough and before she knew it, she and Chuck were walking out of class side by side. They were both silent for quite some time.

Eventually, once they were outside, Blair decided to break the silence.

"Thank you, Chuck. Not just for the latte, but for last night. Who knows what would have happened if you hadn't been there to rescue me. You really are my hero."

"We were meant to save each other Waldorf," he responded with a smirk.

She gave a small smile at the truth of his words. It was true. Though it was sad to admit it, Bart's death would have ruined him beyond repair two years ago and they both knew it. And if she'd managed to survive without him for two whole years, last night would have been the death of her too.

"I'd die without you, Chuck Bass," she declared out rightly.

"I'd die without you, Blair Waldorf," he responded quickly.

"So what now?"

"I don't know. But I can't tell you how happy I am that I get to see you in class every morning."

"Yeah, what are the odds? But hey, I have a bone to pick with you Mr. Bass: that empty seat next to me was meant for my future husband."

"Way to be straightforward Waldorf! I had no idea that you were ready for that. However I do have the ring on me right now. But I don't want to propose like this, I want to plan something a tad more romantic," he teased.

She hit his chest playfully. "Chuck, stop it," she teased back. "But seriously, Chuck. I don't know if I'll ever be able to forgive everything we've been through. You know I love you, and you also know that, at least for the time being, love just isn't enough. I'm not saying that we can never be together. I honestly don't know. But I don't want you to waste your time on me only to be let down. I don't want to see you get hurt. So please don't fight for my love, because you already have my love. If we're meant to be together, then only time will make me forgive you."

He nodded understandingly. "I had a feeling you would say something along those lines, so I made a trip to Tiffany's; I had them open early for me this morning."

Then he got down on one knee.

Blair felt the butterflies in the pit of her stomach yet again, as her insides melted into butter and her knees become weak.

He pulled out a small black box and opened it to reveal the most earth-shattering, stunning, gorgeous cushion cut diamond ring she had ever laid eyes on, with the exception of maybe the Harry Winston engagement ring.

"Blair Cornelia Waldorf, I promise to love you forever. Will you accept this gift as a token of my love you and become my friend?" he murmured sweetly and sincerely.

"You never fail to take my breath away you Basstard," she sighed incredulously. "How could I saw no to that face," she teased as she held her left hand out to him.

He beamed at her out stretched hand and gave it a quick kiss. Then he stood up and pulled the ring out of the box to reveal that the ring actually hung from a pretty, long platinum chain that he placed around her neck.

They beamed at each other for a long moment before she jumped into his arms for a big, passionate hug as he spinned her around off the ground.

When he finally put her down, they were both laughing so much that they didn't notice the people staring at them. And even if they had noticed, they honestly didn't give a damn.

Once they calmed down Blair sighed, "I have to get to psychology. I'll see you tomorrow Bass."

As she turned to leave he called out to her, "Love you, Waldorf."

She paused without turning around and called back to him, "I love you too, Bass."

He smirked at her backside as she strutted to psychology.

He felt his plan falling into place. Even if he couldn't get Blair Waldorf to forgive him, he would get her to forgive herself enough to get her healthy and happy again.

That night Blair lied in bed admiring the gorgeous diamond for the millionth time.

It dawned on her that for the first time, she had kept down every single meal she'd eaten that day. And she still felt in control.

She marveled at the love she shared with Chuck Bass and the power his love had over her. It had changed her mind since this very morning. Chuck Bass didn't belong with bulimic Blair. He belonged with healthy, strong, beautiful Blair. For the first time, forgiving Chuck and getting back together with him seemed like a definite possibility.

But they had all the time in the world, and so if they really wanted they're relationship to work, they would take it slow this time around, no matter how tempting it might be to succumb to their romantic instincts. She would stick to his plan for now and be his friend.

She stretched over to her night stand and grabbed her laptop.

She went to the Tiffany's page on her bookmarks and found the perfect white gold century diamond ring for her friend to wear around his neck. Not only did it match hers, but it was also masculine, yet sophisticated and regal and elegant all at the same time. It was nowhere near as ostentatious as the diamond around her own neck, but it matched and that was what made it priceless.

She decided she would pick it up at lunch time tomorrow.

The last thought before Blair had before falling asleep was that she loved Chuck Bass. This was nothing unusual, but what made it so extraordinary this time was that there was no pain or anguish or despair or guilt connected to that thought.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

_Rise and shine Upper East Siders. Gossip Girl here, your one and only source to the scandalous lives of Manhattan's Elite. So it's official, The Queen B and her Dark Prince have been reunited and it feels oh so good. But before you get too excited, there is a hitch. Despite the indecent proposal yesterday morning which it pictured below, courtesy of ggsparkles88, we won't be hearing wedding bells anytime soon for our favorite upper east side couple. That's right; they're just friends. How boring. More like friends with benefits if you know what I mean. What a letdown for B—two days ago it sure seemed like a real wedding proposal would have been just what shrink ordered. At least the rock is pretty. For a reported 1.8 million, it sure seems like C's trying to buy B back—it's nothing more than a twisted version of prostitution if you ask me._

Blair Waldorf rolled her eyes at the Gossip post that had woken her up. She did her best to scoff at the thought of Chuck try to buy her back, but deep down, part of her started to doubt herself. She knew that she's said yes to being Chuck's friend because she loved him and she wanted him to be part of her life, even if things could never go back to the way they were before. But did Chuck know how she felt or did he think he was just buying her back? Did he really think that she was that vain? Was this all just a scheme to shower her with gifts until she succumbed to being his lover again?

Last night, when she told Serena about her day over Chinese take-out in front of Breakfast at Tiffany's, Blair had been genuinely excited, not because of the gorgeous ring that Serena was gushing over, but instead about the fact that she and Chuck could finally co-exist peacefully as friends.

It was still early in the morning and Blair didn't need to start getting ready for another half hour so she tip-toed over to Serena's room to find the blonde awake in bed, reading the post.

Serena looked up to see Blair on the verge of tears, and she gave her a knowing look as she patted the bed next to her.

"Oh B," she murmured into Blair's hair as she pulled her into a comforting embrace. "You know it's not true. Chuck knows he can't just buy you back."

"I don't know S."

"Well I know that he loves you and I know that you really do want to be his friend. I just want you to be as happy as you were last night."

"But what if he thinks I just said yes to the ring and not to his love? What if he thinks I really am that shallow?"

"We both know that Chuck thinks the world of you. But I can't take seeing you this upset anymore," Serena warned as she grabbed her phone.

"Wait…what do you think you're doing?"

"Getting rid of your insecurities once and for all." Serena responded as she waited for Chuck to answer her call."

"Good morning Sis, to what to I owe the pleasure?"

"You Mother Chucker what did you do to Blair?"

"Is she okay? Is she home? Is she sick?" Serena could hear the panic in his voice.

"Calm down. She's right next to me. I just want to know why she came home gushing about how you too have finally found to find a way to co-exist peacefully and love and support each other through this new found friendship. And then I see the Gossip Girl blast and all of a sudden she's this sobbing mess who won't stop whining about how you think you can just buy her love back as if she was some shallow, vain, prostitute."

He sighed for a moment before saying, "Put me on speaker so she can hear me."

"Okay Chuck you're on speaker now," Serena obeyed.

"Good morning beautiful, are you okay? Serena said…"Chuck started.

"Don't listen to a word that blond bimbo says. She doesn't know what she's talking about. I'm fine," Blair snapped.

"It's okay if you're not. I won't judge you. We're friends now remember, I just want to give you my love and support. If something's bothering you, you can tell me."

"Do you think you can just buy my love back?" Blair asked meekly.

"Of course not Baby. You are a beautiful, emotional, complex, creature. I know you're not shallow—how could you be shallow with a love that runs as deep as our own? And while I'll admit that 1.8 million is a little ostentation for a friendship ring, I couldn't help myself. I just saw the ring and I thought to myself, something that beautiful deserves to be worn by someone worthy of its beauty."

A nostalgic smile spread across Blair's lips and she and Serena both squealed in awe of how sweet Chuck was.

"Ay ay ay, women," Chuck sighed. "Well I better get going; I have an early morning breakfast meeting with the board that needs my undivided attention. I'll see you in class Waldorf."

"I look forward to it Bass," Blair responded before hanging up.

"B," Serena cautioned. "I know that look."

"I have no idea what you're talking about Serena."

"Oh please. You are falling head-over-heels in love with him all over again and you know it."

"That doesn't mean we're getting back together. We need to take things slow and love each other as friends first. I know it's a strange relationship that Chuck and I are in at the moment, but we're two unique people, you can't blame us. Now if you'll excuse me, I think a nice got shower will do wonders to clear my mind, which is far too cluttered for my liking at the moment."

Serena shook her head at her best friend as she pranced out.

After a soothing shower, brushing her teeth, and doing her hair and makeup, Blair stood in her walk-in closet in her favorite silk La Perla robe. She was feeling in the mood to wear something bright and happy. She finally decided on a yellow David Meister sleeveless bow-neck belted dress paired with turquoise crocodile skin peep-toe pumps and a matching turquoise Balenciaga tote bag. She grabbed an apple on her way out and even hugged Serena good-bye before she left.

Surprisingly enough, when she got outside, Chuck was leaning against waiting for her.

"Bass! What are you doing here?" She was surprised but not at all angry, as he feared she might be.

"I thought we could carpool. I figured it was my turn to do my part to help the environment," he explained playfully as he opened the door for her.

"How considerate," she responded sarcastically. She paused to peck his cheek before climbing.

Chuck climbed in after her and handed her her usual venti skinny cinnamon dolce latte from the cup holder before taking a sip from his own black coffee.

"That's it, tomorrow it's my turn to pick up the coffee. And as wonderful as Starbucks, Dorota make a much better barista."

"Yes ma'am…and you are absolutely correct about Dorota. If you didn't love her so much, I would have bought her eons ago. I guess the only way I could possibly get her now would be to marry you," he winked suggestively.

"I knew you had a hidden agenda when I saw that Harry Winston ring. Now I understand, you were using me this whole time to get to Dorota!" Blair teased.

"Guilty as charged," he smirked back.

"Can't say I blame you."

"No but seriously Blair, I hope you know that I love you for you, just how I know you love me for me. I would never try to buy your love. Not after all we've been through."

They just stared into each other's eyes for a long moment.

"This is gonna be tough isn't it?" she swallowed the lump that was rising in her throat.

"What's going to be tough Baby?" He put a gentle hand on her cheek.

"To be together and not be _together_," she answered slowly.

"It's going to be a challenge," he confirmed with a sad smile. "But a Bass man never backs down from a challenge." She pressed her cheek into the palm of his hand and inhaled the spicy aroma of his cologne. "Are you okay?" She nodded against his hand.

Then she pulled away from him and hitched her tote bag up onto her shoulder and plastered a smile on her face, "Come on Bass! Time to get to class."

He nodded and helped her out of the limo. They walked to class in silence and took their spots at the front of the class.

Chuck already knew everything the class had to offer, but he didn't really mind, because he liked watching Blair. She was actually enjoying the class. It was difficult enough to keep her interested but at the same time it made sense to her and she found comfort in the logic of it. Chuck liked to see her eyes light up with passion at every debate and discussion. He saw her growing stronger and happier by the minute. Not to mention that she absentmindedly had placed her fingers in a twine with his, although he was almost positive she hadn't even noticed that she was doing it.

His suspicions were confirmed when the professor dismissed them.

"When did that happen," Blair sounded surprised as she looked down at their hands.

"Five minutes into the lecture—you initiated it Waldorf, not me," he explained with a smirk.

"Hmm," was all she said.

"So I was planning on asking you to lunch, but unfortunately my secretary just texted me about some crisis that can't be solved without me so…" he trailed off

"Go, go! Don't worry about me. I actually would have said no anyways because I have some errands to run. But hey, if you want to come over for dinner, Serena's been sneaking around with some professor and the forecast says there's another thunderstorm coming tonight, so I'd rather not be alone."

"Things sound pretty bad at the office so I probably won't be able to come over before nine…"

"That's perfect!"

"I'll be there," he flashed his signature smirk and leaned in to kiss her cheek. "I love you," he whispered in her ear before turning away.

She tugged at his arm and pulled him back so that he was facing her.

"Yes Waldorf?" he prompted.

"You didn't give me a chance to say I love you too."

"Oh," he smiled.

"I love you too," she smiled back. "Now go Mr. CEO! You have a company to save."

His heart swelled with pride and she gave him one last reassuring nod before watching him walk away.

Blair shook her head to rid her mind of Chuck Bass. Though she'd never admit it out loud, she knew Serena was right; she really was falling for Chuck Bass all over again. Either way, she couldn't afford to obsess over him right now; she had a psychology class to get to.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

After Blair was finished with her classes for the day, she had a study group in the Columbia University library, but it was really her, Serena, and her minions discussing a situation involving Juliette Sharpe. It seemed as if Juliette was repeatedly trying to sabotage Serena in almost all aspects of her life, and Blair was not about to allow that to continue. No one messed with someone Blair cared about and got away with it. Somehow, Blair felt as if there was some piece of the puzzle that was missing. Blair actually considered borrowing Chuck's PI. There was something more to this bitch and Blair was going to figure it out.

Around 5 p.m. Arthur picked her up from Columbia to take her back home. She smiled when she saw the bouquet of purple peonies on the seat in Chuck's place. As Arthur drove off she picked up the bouquet and inhaled the sweet, floral aroma that always brought a smile to her face. She spotted the sweet note attached to the flowers that read:

_Hello Beautiful,_

_These peonies are just a token of my gratitude to have a friend like you. I can't wait to see you tonight._

_ Love,_

_ C_

Blair smiled at the small but earth-shatteringly perfect gesture. She couldn't help but squeal in delight, and was grateful that the divider was up so that Arthur could not see how lovesick she really was. It took every fiber of her body to suppress the butterflies fluttering in the pit of her stomach.

She pulled out her cell phone and hit the #1 to speed dial Chuck to let him know how grateful she really was. He answered on the first ring.

"What?" he growled into the phone. He sounded so disgruntled; Blair dropped the flowers onto her lap in surprise.

"Chuck? It's me—is everything okay. You sound…"

"Blair!" he exclaimed, suddenly realizing that she wasn't the asshole he had been expecting a call from. "I'm so sorry for answering the way I did. I was so ruse. I was just expecting a call and I didn't bother to check the caller ID. My mistake," he quickly did damage control.

"Oh, well if you're expecting a call, then don't let me keep you busy," she started to back out.

"Nonsense! You, my dear, are the love of my life. Everyone else can wait," he assured her. She was glad to hear his becoming more relaxed.

"You flatter me, Bass."

"Hmm, I could do so much more than just flatter you if you'd let me," he drawled suggestively.

"You naughty boy! And to think that I was calling to thank you for the lovely bouquet," she continued.

"You got the peonies!"

"I did. Although I would have much rather seen you in the seat instead of the flowers."

"Well I promise to be in that seat every morning on the way to class. How does that sound?"

"Perfect." Blair smiled before remembering the crisis that had troubled him that morning and the disgruntled manner in which he'd answered her call. "How's your day been? Is the crisis all taken care of Mr. CEO?"

"Not quite," he sighed. "It's worse than I thought. It's this jack ass, Russell Thorpe. Andrew Tyler says he's an old colleague of my father's and he's been trying to get revenge. Today's been tough and it's only going to get worse before getting better. And I don't foresee a solution for at least another week or two. My only salvation is our business class, believe it or not."

"Oh my god, Chuck! I had no idea. Listen, as much as I'm looking forward to seeing you tonight, I'll understand if you're too busy."

"Well, I might be a little later, but I'll try and make it."

"Well don't hesitate, my door is open to you at any time. I'll have a bottle of scotch with your name on it waiting."

"Thanks Waldorf."

"No problem, Bass. What are friends for?"

"Well listen, I have to get back to work. But thanks for the chat. It's done wonder for my nerves just to hear your voice."

Blair closed her hand against the phone so he wouldn't hear her squeal in delight. It was pointless though because he could still hear her anyways, and the fact that she squealed made him want to squeal in delight too. Then he remembered he was Chuck Bass. Chuck Bass did not squeal.

"Bye, Bass."

"Bye, Waldorf. I love you."

"Love you too."

By the time Blair hung up, she was in front of her building. Once she was in the comforts of her own bedroom, she pulled out the ring she had picked up for Chuck from Tiffany's at lunch and jumped up and down in delight.

Then she showered, reapplied her make-up, styled her hair flawlessly, dressed in a simple Zac Posen little black dress and the Erickson Beamon necklace Chuck had given her on her seventeenth birthday, lit up some candles, prepared the bottle of scotch, and fell asleep on the sofa waiting for Chuck.

Four hours later she woke up to the sound thunder resounding through the penthouse. She jolted out of her nightmare in which the thunder was the sound of Chuck being shot in Prague. She'd never told anyone about it, but that nightmare had haunter her ever since she'd found out that Chuck had gotten shot. She let out a bloodcurdling scream, but the scream turned into a sob when she felt very strong, very familiar arms wrap around her. She turned her face into Chuck's chest and let him comfort her as she cried.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8  
After burying her face in Chuck's chest and crying for what seemed like a very long time, but in actuality was only a few minutes, Blair finally brushed the tears from her cheeks and pulled herself out of Chuck's embrace.  
"I'm sorry," Blair almost snapped at him.  
"Do you want to talk about it?"  
"No. It was just a stupid dream. I overreacted. I'm sorry if I was a burden."  
"You have nothing to be sorry for. But are you sure you don't want to talk about it Waldorf?"  
"It was nothing!" she snapped. She inhaled desperately. "Chuck I think it's time for you to leave."  
"Wow. Not even an explanation. I guess I deserve it."  
"What the hell are you talking about Bass?"  
"I broke your heart last spring. I knew it would only be a matter of time before you broke mine."  
"Chuck?" he voice had gone from bitchy to meek in a matter of seconds  
"I should have been honest with you from the start. Blair Waldorf I love you. And I need you in my life no matter what. I want to be your friend, believe me I do. But that doesn't mean friendship is enough. The truth is, signing up for that business class was all a part of my grand scheme to win your heart back. But if that's not possible, then just say so. I can't get my hopes up and then just let you walk all over me and crush my dreams. I'm still Chuck Bass. I need you to be straightforward with me. If you can never love me the way you used to then tell me. I'll hate it with all my heart and soul, but I'll understand. And then we'll just be friends. Just tell me the truth."  
"Chuck you know that after what happened last spring I will never be able to feel the same way about you as I did before."  
"I understand."  
She saw the tears welling up in his eyes and she wanted to take back what she had just said.  
"No you don't."  
"No I do. I know I fucked up. I deserve this."  
"No you can't possibly understand because I wasn't finished."  
"What are you trying to say?"  
"I'll never love you the same way I did before. But that's because love is always changing. Our love is not something that just goes into stasis. It changes and accepts and forgives and moves on every second of every day for the rest of lives. Chuck our love is immortal and omnipresent and inevitable and invincible. But it's also a work in progress. I'm not going to jump right back into a relationship with you because I'm not ready for that right now. But you should know that whatever happens, even if we are not together, we'll always be Chuck and Blair, Blair and Chuck. And I will always love you."  
"I will always love you," he vowed, letting a tear drop fall without shame.  
"Are we still friends?"  
"Do you still want us to be friends?"  
Blair nodded before adding, "But only if we are also more than friends. Just being your friend is not enough."  
"What are you saying Waldorf?"  
"I'm saying that I want to be with you."  
"As more than friends?"  
"Yes."  
"But you're not ready for a committed romantic relationship with me yet, correct?"  
"I'm sorry for making this so complicated."  
"Blair I love every part of you, your complexity included."  
"Thank you."  
"So an open relationship then?"  
"It soounds suburban when you put it that way. But I suppose it has its perks."  
"How so?"  
"Well for one thing I can do this without worrying about what people will think." She leaned into his embrace and pressed her lips tenderly to his. He savored the feel of her lips against his for a long moment before taking the initiative and deepening the kiss.  
"I take that back Waldorf. You can see other people if you want but I never want to be with anyone but you."  
"I'm yours, Bass. Only yours."  
Chuck then swooped her off her feet and proceeded up the stairs to her bedroom, all the while never breaking the kiss.  
As he laid her down on the bed and freed her of her little black dress, he eyed her racy Agent Provocateur slip and smirked.  
"Looks like you were planning on seducing me tonight Waldorf."  
"When it comes to seeing you, Bass, seduction is always part of the plan."  
"Well as much as I enjoy your seduction, you know it's not necessary. Even the mere sight of you still gives me butterflies."  
"That's quite possibly the sappiest thing you've said to me all day. You're not going soft on me, are you Bass?"  
"I think we both know that's certainly not the case," he smirked suggestively as he angled his hips in such a way that she could feel his erection pressing against her bare thigh through his pants.  
"There's the Chuck Bass I know and love."  
"So you love me, huh?"  
"So much it consumes me."  
"How can I be sure that's not just the lust talking?"  
"Why don't you let me show you exactly how much I love you?"  
And so the reunited soul mates continued to make love.  
Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox  
"Wow," Blair sighed in content.  
"Blair Waldorf rendered speechless? I'm even better than I thought." He chuckled softly.  
She slapped his chest lightly before snuggling even closer to him.  
"Although I must say that was particularly amazing. Make up sex has always been phenomenal for us. Maybe that's why we argued so much when we were together."  
"We're together right now."  
"We are, aren't we?"  
"I love this," Blair sighed.  
"The sex?"  
"That's definitely part of it," she nodded. "I love it when we make love because I feel safe, and warm, and protected, and loved, and beautiful. When we are intimate, we are so close. It's like we're two parts of a whole. It feels like home. But it's more than just the sex. I love the cuddling, and talking to you. I love the fact that when we're out in public you are this debonair, hard-ass CEO, and that you have a reputation as a partying, sex-crazed playboy, and yet when it's just the two of us, you're not afraid to be charming, and romantic, and sappy, and sweet."  
"When I'm with you I'm sappy because you make me so completely lovesick."  
"Yea you make me pretty lovesick too."  
"Blair did I make you sick when I was with Eva?" he cautioned.  
"While her history as a prostitute was mildly disturbing, she wasn't nearly as much of a French floozy as I made her out to be. She did save your life after all, not to mention, she was gorgeous."  
"Not nearly as gorgeous on you, Blair. I mean it. It makes me sad to think you don't know how beautiful you are. And don't even get me started on how sexy you are. You know I was just using Eva to make you jealous. The fact that she was a prostitute disgusted me. And you saved my life too. I would have died two years ago with Bart's death, but your love saved me. You gave me something to live for. You've given me something to live for each and every day since I fell in love with you that very first night at Victrola. But Blair you know that's not what I was asking. You know that's not what I meant when I said sick."  
She nodded against his chest and he could feel her hot tears dripping on to his chest. "Please, Chuck. Please don't make me. I'm not ready to talk about this yet."  
"No Blair. We need to talk about this now. It's just you and me here. I promise I won't judge you no matter what. I will always love you unconditionally. And I'm not going to let you go. I can't bear to see you hurt yourself. It's okay to admit you have a problem. You're only human. I just want to help you. No matter how bad things get, we'll work through this together. You and me. Chuck and Blair. Blair and Chuck. Remember? Please don't shut me out. Please let me be your hero."  
"Chuck, you already are my hero. And it's not as bad as you think it is. I promise not to shut you out. We will talk this through later, but not tonight. I'm not ready yet. Please understand that."  
"Blair I'll never be able to tell you enough just how sorry I am for everything I've put you through."  
"Don't be. It's not your fault. You don't realize how many times you've saved me over the years without even realizing it."  
"Just let me finish my apology, okay? I have to get this off my chest. You have no reason to forgive me, but you should hear my apology anyways."  
She propped her head up against his chest so that she could meet his gaze. "What do you need to apologize for," she wondered aloud, sincerely confused.  
"Everything else. I'm sorry for losing my temper, or at least pretending to, when Eva and I broke up. I'm sorry for not waiting longer at the empire state building. I'm sorry for treating you like property. I'm sorry I didn't tell you I loved you when I knew I did. But most of all, I'm sorry that I gave up on us and ran away to Europe instead of following my heart and fighting for you, fighting for us."  
"Wow. You've somehow managed to render me speechless for the second time tonight. Chuck, I love you unconditionally. Whatever happens, at the end of the day, I'll always forgive you no matter what. You've grown up so much since high school. You have no idea how proud I am of you. I love you more and more each day if it's even possible to love someone that much. I'm sorry it took so long for me to let you back into my life. It'll be a slow road to recovery but we're going to get through this together. And thank you for your apology. I just wish there was some proper way I could show you how grateful I am." She began peppering his jaw with kisses.  
Chuck flipped them over so that he was on top. "Ready for round two already, Waldorf?"  
"You bet," she smiled as she wrapped her legs around his waist.  
And the lovers dissolved into the ecstasy of being reunited at last.  
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox  
"Chuck!" Blair jolted upright in bed in a panic.  
"Shh, shh. Blair baby, you're okay. I'm right here. It was just thunder." Chuck cooed as he would his arms around her and gently rocked back and forth.  
"I...I...I'm so sorry."  
"Shh, shh, baby. It's okay. It's not your fault. It's okay to be scared of the thunder, I won't let anything hurt you ."  
He continued to soothe her but her sobs only got louder.  
"Blair! Blair, what's wrong?" He pulled back just a bit so that he could see her tear-stained face. In the instant that their eyes met she lurched out of his arms and ran for the bathroom the bathroom.  
Luckily he was too fast for her and blocked her way. She pounded away at his chests in a failed attempt to get through, but he just held on to her that much tighter.  
She eventually grew tired of pounding away and dissolved into a mess of tears in his arms. He picked her up and carried her back to bed where he rubbed her back soothingly until she calmed down.  
"Do you want to talk about it?" Chuck cautioned.  
"Do I have a choice?" she sighed.  
"No not really," he chuckled lightly. "Blair whatever it is you can tell me. It's just us. There's no shame here."  
"But there is shame. I'm too ashamed to say it."  
"Baby, you have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of."  
"You're wrong." she buried her head tighter into his chest as her hands rested limply on his abdomen.  
Chuck sighed in exasperation, knowing that there was no convincing her otherwise.  
"Correct me if I'm wrong but it just seems that every time there's a thunder storm you freak out. I feel like I'm missing something here. Did something happen over the summer that I don't know about."  
"No, not anything you don't already know about."  
"So this thing that I apparently already know about bothers you every time there's a thunder storm?"  
"It's haunting me Chuck; giving me nightmares. No matter how hard I try to push the thought away it just pops up in my dreams, and the sound of thunder just intensifies it," she admitted weakly.  
"Ahh. And so you're scared that your nightmare will come true."  
"It already has come true," she sighed regretfully. She felt him tense underneath her and added, "don't worry, I wasn't raped or anything."  
"It has something to do with me doesn't it?"  
He felt her nod her head.  
"Is it about what happened with Jenny?"  
She shook her head no and started tracing nonexistent patterns in his chest.  
"Does it have to do with Jack."  
Agains she shook her head no and continued to traced patterns in his chest.  
As he racked his brain he felt her fingers hesitate at the scar from his bullet wound. He could feel the tears streaming down her face.  
"Blair do you have nightmares about me being shot?"  
A violent sob overtook her frail body and he held on to her tight as she cried.  
"You're ashamed of my being shot? Blair, you can't possibly blame yourself for what happened to me."  
"Yes I can," she sat up, suddenly enraged. "How can I not blame myself? I put you, the love of my life, in that position. I told you that I would stick by you through anything. I promised to love you no matter what. But instead I broke that promise. I let Jenny Humphrey of all people get in the way of our love. I betrayed you. I betrayed us. I was the one who deserved to be shot."  
"No Blair! Don't you dare say that. If you die, I die too. That's why I held on to the ring when the muggers attacked me. I would have traded my life for it. I don't regret fighting them to keep that ring for one minute because I was fighting for our love. That ring symbolized my last chance at a future with you; I'd rather die than give that up."  
Her sobs quieted to a few sniffles. After a great deal of silence, she finally spoke. "Chuck, I don't think I can get over the fact that I almost lost you, at least not anytime soon. Maybe in a few months, but right now, every time I close my eyes, the idea of losing you haunts me."  
"Well then I promise that whenever you go to sleep you will be in my arms and whenever you wake up you will be in my arms. There will be no reason for you to worry when you are safe in my arms."  
"Thank you."  
"We're Chuck and Blair, Blair and Chuck. Not even death could do us part."  
"I love you,"  
"I love you more."  
"That's not possible," Blair responded, ending with a yawn.  
"Go to sleep beautiful. I'll be right here when you wake up. Don't worry. I'm not going anywhere."


End file.
